Tuesday, August 12, 2014

all in His timing

Oh my heart. It's been heavy with burden lately, and I just can't shake it. I posted about it last week, and it still exists. It still enters into my every day, in some form or fashion.

The expectations.

The restrictions.

The entitlement.

The limitations.

The judgment.

I even took my frustrations to Facebook this past weekend, and was encouraged and uplifted by friends and family alike. A few really stuck out to me:

"As much as you've been through and are going through, I think you are more than capable of doing "you". Forget what others say! You're a tough girl, and definitely don't need anyone setting YOUR standards." 

"As long as you are happy, that's all that matters! How you take control of your life should be your choice. If you want to put sugar in last while making lemonade or first, it's your choice and no one else's. I know people want to help and tell you what you should or should not do but ultimately you have every right to do what you want and at your own pace as well."

"You can't plan what you're feeling or what you're going to feel. Nobody else can, either. You can't pick and choose."

Yes, I'm moving on. I've picked up the very broken pieces of myself and am slowly working on putting them back together. There's no shame in that. I'm actually proud of that. I'm choosing not to wallow in pain and self-pity. I'm choosing not to put my life on hold for someone who chose to hurt me so deeply. I'm choosing not to succumb to other people's ideas of what a perfect divorce looks like (I laugh just writing that...a perfect divorce? Seriously? Come on...).

And in my moments of pain and self-doubt, exactly when I need it, God places His guiding hands over me and shows me the way - His way for my life - and I am at peace once again. It validates my feelings and my actions in moving forward, one step at a time. It lets me know that I'm making the right decisions for myself and that He is with me every step of the way. He reminds me that I am not alone in this, and that although I will be questioned by so many people, even loved ones, I find strength in the Lord.

From shereadstruth yesterday:
Sister, Jesus knows the battle you’re fighting. He doesn’t just know  you’re fighting it; He knows it because He’s fought it, too. He fought it before you and for you. And HE is the very one who sits at the Throne of Grace, ready to receive you and me, just as we are.
You can come to Him as your full self today — not your half self, your filtered and edited self, not the cleaned up version you want the outside world to see. You may think you have to be someone else for them, but with Jesus you only have to be you.
Hebrews 4:15 says
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.”

6
source
And Victoria Osteen's status yesterday:
Declare today, "I am free to be me! I don't need the approval of people. I will be who God has called me to be!" 

Yes, yes, YES!

Why do I care so much what other people think? There is judgment all around the world, and if I give in to the comments and rude remarks, what good does that do? None. God knows what is good for my heart. He knows me better than I know myself, and I find comfort in that. I'll struggle, sure. I'll waiver in my self-confidence, unsure of a particular decision or situation. But instead of throwing in the towel and allowing others to run my life for me, I turn to God. I lean on Him and confess my negative thoughts and hurt feelings to Him. He understands. He protects. He guides me each and every day. And I know I'm doing this right, and I know that the brighter days I've experienced are here to stay. In my own way. In my own time. I am validated through my Lord and Savior. He's got me.

The She Reads Truth post yesterday wasn't just a coincidence. Neither was Victoria's Facebook status. It was God shining a beacon of light in the despair I was allowing to consume me. It was His way of settling His child. His timing has been and always will be impeccable. With God, there's no such thing as coincidence.


Jen said...

Good Lord! It's just as bad as the things people say when a woman is having a baby, isn't it?!

Yes, I think "perfect divorce" is an oxymoron.

This was a very beautiful and touching post. Made me cry.

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