in the blink of an eye

Wake up and smell the coffee. 

That's what it did to me. It opened my eyes and pulled me out of the complacency that I unknowingly had been lulled into.

It's not going to happen to me.

It's a lie. A myth that we all too often believe of ourselves. But it's just that...a lie. A bold-faced monster that seeps into my brain time and time again.

It's okay. Just this once.

And then I do it again and again, over and over, continuing to justify my actions and words. Is it really okay? I have doubts, but does it really stop me? Or do I give in to the lies that I tell myself, that it won't happen to me. I'll be spared.

But then, it happens.

And suddenly, it's real. I'm facing real consequences and real hurt because of the lies that had filled my head for far too long. Even though an awful thing has happened before, I would tell myself that surely, it wouldn't and couldn't happen again. But then it does. It happens, just like that, and I'm waken from the deep, solemn sleep that I'd succumbed to.

The screeching tires. Something burning. The smoke. The crunching metal. It was happening, again. Why, oh why, was this happening again?

I laugh. 'Why'?! Because I'm not immune. Because it's life.

There's no rulebook saying that just because you had a hard childhood, you'll live a simple and easy adulthood. Just because you've known hurt and anger from someone so close to you, it doesn't mean it won't happen time and time again. Because it will. The vicious cycle will continue, and it'll be there, welcoming you with open arms as you crash into the hurt, the pain, the memories. And then, once you've accepted the hurt and move past it, it'll come crashing down all over again, and again, and again.

As I was actively freaking out and losing my mind after a car accident this past weekend, I couldn't believe it was happening...again. The memories of all those years past flooded my mind and encompassed my entire being. But I was okay. It was just me in the car this time, and I was okay. The car has some damage, of course, but I'm okay.

And I learned the same lesson that all of life's hardships teach me: we're not promised tomorrow. My recent accident could've been much worse, but it wasn't. It reminded me, though, to enjoy the little things and the simple moments that I am blessed with in this life. To cherish my loved ones. Focus on what's truly important and let the little, petty things go.

Although my injuries this time were very minor, my eyes were opened (again) at how insignificant I am in this life and of the very real, brutal situations that are out there in this world. I'm reminded to be cautious.

Because in the blink of an eye, it could all be gone. Wiped away. Forgotten. 

Enough of the lies. No more justifying negative reactions and behavior. Because no one's immune, and life's too short.


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