As the months of casually going on dates wore on, I started feeling done with it. It felt like the college lifestyle I didn't necessarily have in college, and it was fun and fine while it lasted (boy was it fun!), but it wasn't anything to write home about. It wasn't sustaining and it left me feeling unfulfilled. These weren't guys that actually cared about me or created lifetime friendships with me. But I continued on my journey, nonetheless. But along the way, I realized I was subconsciously pointing out the flaws and the reasons why it wouldn't work out long-term. I began to realize that there was actually something I wanted out of dating. I wanted someone that mattered to me. I wanted what I felt I deserved.
I continued my online dating adventures as I had the past few months, hitting up Tinder and OkCupid, continuing with the small talk and the "tell me about yourself" awkward conversations. That is, until one guy stood out to me. A guy that made me smile a little differently and laugh a little harder. A guy that was genuinely interested in me. I had honestly forgotten what that even looked like! The conversations were deeper than the "where are you from" questions. They were about my interests and what my life looked like, what some of my goals and dreams were. It was genuine and I was hooked. We'll call him M.
M and I chatted for a few days through the app and then exchanged numbers. He'd text me often and continued making me laugh and smile like a teenager. I felt butterflies again for the first time in forever! He made me feel great about myself and complimented me often, and we dated. Exclusively. I had a boyfriend! Holy cow. We spent time together and included each other in our daily lives. And before I knew it, months had gone by and I was in a real, live, breathing relationship. And it was good. It was really good.
Some back story about myself...
I'm a lover. I've been told I don't really have a type, that I could love anyone, it was just a matter of who would love me back and was deserving of my love, time, and effort. I love love, what can I say? :) I'm not mad about it or embarrassed about it. It's who I am and I'm not ashamed of it.
Knowing that, it didn't surprise me when M told me that he loved me and I reciprocated it. I loved him. He loved me. It was awesome! And it was by dating M that I realized my heart was really ready to move on. My heart was ready to love and be loved in return. I was done with casually dating and was enjoying being exclusive with M. I met his dad, went over to his place, got involved in something he loved every single week and found myself really looking forward to those moments, no matter how small. I met his friends and saw him more than once a week. It was nice, and it was easy. And he loved me!