Life lately has been hard, to say the least. Just when things seem to be looking up and we start to get stable and settled, five million things seem to go wrong/change/throw us for a loop.
In so many areas, I'm struggling.
I'm struggling with our finances - when paychecks aren't what you expect, it makes things super difficult.
I'm struggling with my faith - it's messy at the moment, and I have so many questions.
I'm struggling with different health issues (mine and Cory's) that keep attacking us.
I'm struggling with patience - we all know I have none.
I'm struggling with the east coast - I miss my family and friends back home something fierce and wish that I could visit every other weekend.
I'm struggling with hope, if I'm being honest. Which I am, clearly. I keep getting knocked down and it's getting harder and harder to get back up and keep fighting.
I'm struggling with my career - so many questions with very little answers.
I'm struggling with this blog - creativity has been lacking and writer's block has hit me something fierce.
I'm struggling with contentment - I can't seem to find it lately.
I'm struggling with joy - so much has been weighing on me and it's hard to breathe some days.
In so many ways, I'm struggling. These few here are only the tip of the iceberg.
I know I have so much to be thankful for and am usually super positive and uplifting. I know there are so many people out there that are dealing with worse things and that I should be grateful for what I do have. I know this. But sometimes, like now, it's just too much and I have to let it out. I have to write it down or type it out in order to process it and work it out or let it go.
I want a break from adulting so badly. I want a reprieve from all of it, or heck, even just some of it! I know that life is always going to have its downs and throw curveballs at me, but I so desparately want a break. A big, fat break.
But, I know that's not a possibility and life goes on. I have to address the finances and the patience and the medical bills and air conditioner that went out at the worst possible time. I have to address that and so much MORE. Thankfully, I have an amazing support system in my fiancé and my family, and no matter how bad my day is or how down I am about things, they always know how to make me smile, if even for only a minute.
I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to hold my head up and keep marching on, as I've done before and know I need to do now. But I'm struggling. I mean, how much crying can one girl really do?