There is a question that I’ve been asked a lot lately, and I’ve sort of skipped around it, not wanting to answer. Why?
Why do you seem sad all the time?
Why have you been absent from blogging?
Why did you create a new blog?
Why are you so needy?
Why don’t you want to hang out?
Why haven’t you been around lately?
Why are you so busy?
Why do you have new social media accounts?
Why are you so emotional?
Why have you kept what’s happening a secret?
Why don’t you talk to someone?
I’m embracing my story. This is my testament. THIS is why.
**This is not to appease anyone’s specific inquiry about what’s going on. This is an outlet for me. To tell my story. To write it out, accept it, and process it the best I can. This is for ME to be able to move forward. If you’re still asking why I’m putting it all out there, stick around. This will be written as a series of posts, and by the end of it all, you’ll know why.**
A few months ago, my life changed forever. I heard four words that I never in a million years thought I’d hear from this person…this person I loved, adored, and thought the world of. This person that I would sacrifice anything and everything for. My best friend. My lover. My husband.
I want a divorce.
It wasn’t a joke, nor was it a threat. It was a simple statement made with the coldest eyes and lack of emotion I’ve ever seen from him. Him, who I pictured forever with – a lifetime! He was done. Done with me, with our marriage, with our memories, with our future. It was the worst night of my life.
It was closing in on midnight, and he had been out with some friends. I was at my brother’s apartment for dinner earlier and was waiting for him to pick me up so we could go home. It had been a long few days and I was ready to see him and spend some time with him! When he arrived, he was itching to go, but something was wrong. I could feel it radiating from his skin. We got home, got ready for bed, and just talked. We talked about our week and how our day went, nothing out of the ordinary. It was a Saturday and one that will forever be ingrained within my soul. It was the Saturday that my entire core was shaken and ripped apart, one thread at a time. Out of nowhere, he uttered the words: I want a divorce.