It’s no secret that I’m currently going through a divorce. I’ve blogged about this topic before, and I’ll continue to do so, as it’s a big part of my life now. In going through this, I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty sound advice. But along with that advice comes the words that might have good intentions behind them, but they’re just 100% unnecessary and downright mean to say. So, I give you….
Even if I had done something for my husband to leave me, it’s certainly something very painful and raw, and you can 99.9% guarantee that it’s none of your business. But, if I hadn’t done anything (which I didn’t), then you’re blaming me and making me feel 100 times worse about the entire situation. Please, just don’t go there.
Are you sad?
You’d be surprised how many times I’ve been asked this question, and by quite intelligent individuals at that! Of course I’m sad. My marriage has fallen apart and it’s over. It’s past the point of no return – there’s no ‘working on things’ or fixing it. It’s over, and it’s sad. No matter how good things may turn out or what the future holds for me, going through it, it’s sad.
And my personal favorite at this point in the process for me… *rolls eyes*
You’re over him already? Did you even love him?
Seriously? You’ve got to be kidding me (this is my immediate reaction when these questions come up). Yes, I’m over him already. Should I dwell on the loss forever and never move on? It’s been months! Why would I allow him that much power over my life by not moving on? And YES, of course I loved him! I married the man and did everything in my power to strive for a strong, happy, healthy marriage. These questions make me feel guilty for trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on, which I actually feel I’m doing quite well. But thanks for the guilt and making me question my entire being and worth…again.
There are many more statements that were more hurtful and rude (in my opinion) at the beginning of the divorce process that I’ve found to be actually helpful to me now, so I didn’t include those. Also, as a disclaimer, this information is only from my experience. Everyone that’s been divorced has found different things to be helpful, and these are just particular remarks and questions that weren’t to me — at all. Also, different things are more helpful/hurtful at different stages in the divorce process, so it’s important to be somewhat aware of where the particular person is. It all comes down to “it just depends”. I know, helpful right? 🙂