Y’all, I’m a television junkie. There, I said it. And give me a season of The Bachelor with dramatic women (let’s be honest, when AREN’T women dramatic?!), and I’m all in! Especially when you watch said Bachelor with your sister on your weekly date nights. Hello perfection (with Ben & Jerry’s please!).
So, let’s just recap this week’s episode, ‘mmkay?
Ben had two one-on-one dates and a group date this week. The first one-on-one went to Lauren B. I remembered her from previous episodes (which is shocking!), and recalled that she’s a flight attendant. Naturally, the date card read, “The sky’s the limit.” Shocker, right?
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Ben took Lauren on a date high in the sky but in a plane she knew nothing about – a biplane – and she freaked out! I was a little confused by this because she is in the sky for a living and should’ve been offering cocktails or something, right? But, an open plane is totally different than a Boeing 747, so I digress. And as soon as they hit those skies, Lauren calms down and seems to be relaxed. See? Told ya. She’s a pro. And then the plane starts doing some stunts that totally look like it’s extreme slow-motion on television and I think to myself that I’d be puking right about that point. Instead, Ben and Lauren kiss. Awkwardly. Because airplane helmets and microphones tend to get in the way! But I give them mad props because they kept trying! Haha. Too cute. And then once on the ground again, this happened…in the middle of nowhere:
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And they can totally get away with this because #Bachelor. And my sister and I thought it was super romantic and sweet until we realized that they’re really not “alone”. Nope. There is (obviously) a camera crew (of probably at least 10 people right?) standing around and watching them ogle over each other and make out. Because that’s not creepy or anything, right? At the end of their date, they get a private concert (because #Bachelor) and Ben gives Lauren a rose, and she’s safe to see another week.
Next up was the group date that included a bunch of girls whose names I don’t all remember and whose faces I may or may not have seen before even though I’ve seen the previous two episodes. Seriously, it’s hard to keep most of these women straight because there’s just so dang many and some of them don’t get any airtime (I’m looking at you Shushanna). So yeah, just know there were a bunch of women on this date because they went to play SOCCER. And it was a little pathetic how none of them had any skills. Wait, except for one of the twins (Emily? I think.) who kicked ass as a goalie! She was blocking some serious shots! (you go girl!) But her team lost and the stripes won (and apparently needed champagne after rigorously running around for who knows how long), which meant they got to stay for the after party while the other team went back to the mansion.
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At the after party, Amber finally got some alone time with Ben and must have had a pretty deep conversation with him because she was awarded the rose for the evening, even though Olivia totally pulled her typical moves and stole Ben away to a hotel room in which she yelled at the girls below from a balcony (which is when the girls start gossiping about O’s toes…eww?). And then Jami blabs to Olivia that said girls were talking about her toes. Womp womp.
The next (and last) date of the week was a 1:1 for Jubilee. And when homegirl found out, she didn’t hold back on her excitement! She immediately jumped off the couch and did a little touchdown dance. She then tried to apologize to the other girls but I give her mad props, because I totally would get that excited if I got a one-on-one date with Bachelor Ben. #amiright? Seriously though. But then, Jubes (that’s what the girls kept calling her this week – I hated it every single time) gets seriously awkward when Ben arrives for their date, making sure to let him know he was twenty minutes late and she wasn’t “super” excited…her facade obviously, even though it was super awkward. And then Ben announces that their ride must be there because we hear a helicopter hovering over the house. And Jubilee FREAKED THE EFF OUT because she’s deathly afraid of heights, at which point she nonchalantly asked the other girls, “Who wants to go on my date?” at which point the other girls talk about how rude said comment was EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS KIDDING and totally got in the helicopter on her own volition. #calmdowngirls
The helicopter took them to a health spa and they walked into a gorgeous spread of food, at which point Jubilee openly admitted her love of hot dogs, only minutes before spitting out her caviar. Apparently she’s adventurous, just not with food. Mmmmmkay. (I don’t blame you girl. Caviar doesn’t sound very tasty…)
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Ben and Jubilee then hit up the pool (Jubilee in a vary scantily-clad bikini obviously) and then have a romantic evening over dinner. Jubilee seemed to really be into Ben and opened up a lot more about her past and her not only being adopted, but she’s the only living survivor of her biological family. I definitely felt sorry for her – she definitely has been through a lot in her lifetime, and she’s also a war veteran! But I found myself liking Jubilee a lot more during her date with Ben. She seemed to be natural and felt comfortable with him. And he seemed to like a girl that challenged him a little bit and wasn’t just a “girly girl”. She was also sarcastic and joking and made Ben blush a few times. Aww. In the end, Jubilee got the rose and the other girls were shocked to see her the next morning because they seriously thought Ben would send her home. #theywerewrong #clearly
Last, but not least, was the cocktail party and rose ceremony. At the beginning of the evening, Ben told the girls that he found out two of his family friends had died in a plane crash that day. And immediately after, Olivia stole him away and I totally thought she was going to try to comfort him and be super sweet. But I was wrong. Ohhhhh so wrong. Instead, she said (and I quote), “Everybody has stuff on their body that they wish they could change. And mine, like waist down, I hate my legs. I hate them. People have written blogs that I have cankles. And I’m sorry (tears up)…I try to be strong all the time, but it’s the scariest thing ever.” Umm…what?! He just announced that he’s sad and found out two of his family friends DIED, and you’re being super shallow blabbing about the fact that the SCARIEST thing ever to you is that you don’t like your legs/cankles/toes?! Even Ben mentioned (in his commentary) that it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to be talking about. He just wanted to be consoled and comforted. Who can blame the guy?!
Amanda was super sweet and I thought did a pretty good job trying to be there for him during their alone time. She asked if he wanted to talk about it or if there was anything she could do. She hugged him. It was sweet. And then Jubilee set up a massage table and gave him a back rub, which (according to Ben), was just what he needed. And the other girls went PSYCHO on Jubilee. They were very upset that Jubilee took time with Ben that night when she already had a rose. And Amber tried to confront her about it with the other girls (aka full-blown girl attack), which Jubilee wasn’t having. She got upset and demanded to be left alone and cried upstairs, which Ben heard. He went up to see what was going on and genuinely comforted her. Amber then took the initiative to head upstairs and lay it all out to Jubilee why she was so upset with her, and Ben just sat there, listening. Homegirls just need to CHILL. I felt bad for Jubilee that they were attacking her for being herself, and obviously being in a mansion with that many women all vying for the same guy’s love and affection isn’t a perfect setting for her (clearly…not my ideal setting either!), and she’s been through a lot in her lifetime. It’s a lot to take in and the girls attacking her for the way she’s dealing with it definitely doesn’t help. But Ben reassured her that their date was amazing and that she’s fine.
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And then Crazy Lacy, I mean Lace, asked to speak with Ben right as he sat down and took a deep breath to just be getting through the night, and she lead him outside to tell him that she realized that through the process, she figured out there’s a lot of work she needs to do on herself and really just focus on her. She told him that you can’t love someone until you love yourself, and she needs to focus on just that. I was shocked. Like, mouth dropped open, stunned, couldn’t move or speak or think, shocked. She was finally admitting some TRUTH and didn’t sound crazy at all. MAD PROPS to Lace for pulling herself out of the running and doing what she needs to for herself. Also, it meant that she wouldn’t ultimately get rejected and be hurt more – it was on her terms and good for her! I was proud. (Things you never thought you’d say for 1,000 please.)
Ultimately, Jami and Shushanna didn’t receive roses and were sent home. Jami kind of freaked out went a little postal and commented that she should just buy a bunch of cats and to not ever expect anything from humans. Umm, what? ….kbye. Also, it was pretty hysterical (to me) that Olivia got the LAST rose of the night at her first rose ceremony where she didn’t already have a rose. Girl was worried haha. I thought she deserved it…#sorrynotsorry. She also felt that her and Ben had a secret way of communicating in which his little “gestures” meant wayyyyy more than he probably intended. For example, when he PUSHED OFF HER LEG in the group after party, it meant that he loved her. To her anyway. And then when he gave her the last rose and hugged her, he SQUEEZED HER WAIST, which (to her) meant that she shouldn’t be worried at all and their bond is strong and that she’s in it for the long haul. Or something like that. I mean WHAT?! #secretcommunication or #oliviaiscrazy? You decide. I mean, it’s week three and she’s already stated about five bajillion times that SHE WANTS TO MARRY BEN HIGGINS. We get it homegirl. Take a chill pill puh-lease!
Next week: Vegas. Oh joy!
Also, the title of this post was a comment made by someone (I almost think it was Lace) at some point during this week’s episode. I only know that my sister and I died laughing and it just stuck. Awk-o taco for the win! It perfectly sums up this week’s episode, that’s for sure!
What are your thoughts on this week’s episode? Who are you rooting for? And if you know who wins, PLEASE NO SPOILERS! Please. Ok, now I’m begging – PUHLEASE, no spoilers. Seriously. I want them NOT. #keepthemtoyourself #pleaseandthankyou
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