Compromise is Hard

Dearest Cory,

I know I’m stubborn and am set in my ways. I know that I’m quite difficult to “put up with” most days, but especially on days when I’m feeling more emotional and lonely than others. Especially on days when all I want is to look into your eyes and see the love radiating out to me. But I can’t – I can’t when I want to and I throw a fit and obsess until I get my way. But then you remind me that I don’t and can’t get my way. I can’t get my way all the time and that’s something I have to suck up and deal with.

You show me repeatedly what it looks like to compromise what I want with what I can have or take away. Do I get a full day with you exactly when I want it and how I want it? No, not hardly (but sometimes you’re amazing and make it work anyway). You teach me what it looks like to take what I can get and to roll with the rest. And I’m learning to be grateful through it all, through the compromise. It’s hard, and I’m stubborn, and a girl likes to get what she wants! But I’m trying. Please know that I try.

I try so hard sometimes that I give up on myself, on my plans and goals and dreams just to make other people’s a reality for them. But compromising doesn’t mean giving up entirely, does it? No, it most certainly does not. It means give AND take. It means ebb and flow. It means a little of you and a little of me. A little what I want but in your time or vice versa. It means growing and being patient, another one of those life things I need to work on. We’re changing as we go and life doesn’t look like how I planned for it to at the beginning of this year. It doesn’t even look like what I wanted only a few short months ago. Instead, it’s different and odd and in a hard place. It’s biting my tongue and waiting and patience and trusting. It’s loving and it’s compromise. Boy is it compromise.

I pray that you continue compromising with me, as this is a learning process after all. I don’t know what our future holds for us but as long as we’re compromising together along the way, giving and taking, the highs and the lows, with a little of you and a little of me, then I know that we’ll enjoy the days as they come and go. I hope that you’ll continue compromising with me and that you know it’s worth it in the end, even if it’s not something you want to do. Because relationships are just that: compromise. They’re “learn as you go” and growing, but mostly it’s growing together. And together, we’re happy and loving this journey that we’re on. Together, we’re at peace and in love and laughing all the days. Together is perfection, and one that I don’t take for granted or will ever compromise. I’ll never compromise you or our life together.

I love you madly,
Brianna