I don’t even know where to start. I’ve put off writing this post because I have so many things to say about year four of marriage to my husband and yet I can’t quite find the words.
Do I start with the lovey-dovey mushy stuff? Where I declare my unending love for my spouse and that I love him more today than I did four years ago? Because I do. I love and cherish such a special and unique man that God placed into my life and have called “husband” for four years now. Four years of wedded bliss, ya know?
Or do I jump into the hard shit? Because marriage isn’t easy by any means. Anyone that’s been married for longer than 2 minutes can vouch for that. It’s feelings and emotions and communication and responsibility and devotion. Every relationship is different (obviously), but it’s hard to know what to say and when to say it – how to talk about the hard things when your spouse has already had a shitty day but you cannot go to sleep one.more.night with such heavy burden on your heart. Add a child into that and it’s a whole new ballgame. Parenting is a story for another day because today is all about my husband, who I am very thankful helped me make an amazing, sweet little boy. Who’s not so little anymore… So I digress.
Back to the hard shit. Because let’s face it. There’s usually more hard than easy. That’s not to say that all hard things are bad, because they’re not. But our marriage has been tested in ways I never could’ve imagined. If you’ve been around me over the past few years, you already know that Cory and I are enduring a long distance marriage. Ugh, typing those words makes me cringe and want to cry. Maybe that’s the real reason I’ve put off writing this post. But ultimately, I want to remember.
I want to remember how hard every single damn goodbye was after spending a moment in time with my husband. Some trips include us all, and some are just Cory and me. I cherish both types because my heart needs it all! I want to remember the look on Cory’s face when Landon runs into his arms at the airport even though it’s after 10pm and has been a long freakin’ day for all of us, knowing we have to drive another 2 hours home. I want to remember that I’ve for real lost count of how many trips we’ve taken just for a visit and how many goodbyes it’s been. I could go back and figure it out if I really wanted to [because I am a planner and I journal and I write almost everything down somewhere]. But that would be depressing. Anyway, I also want to remember the fun we’ve had during said visits. I want to remember the anticipation of hugging my husband after 3 months apart. And kissing his face. I’ll always remember kissing his face. I want to remember how hugging my husband after no matter how long apart we had been on any particular visit feels like home. Always. And I also want to remember that no matter what my husband may think, we never, ever take enough pictures together when we are together!
I could go on and on about long distance marriage [and I probably will in the near future, so consider yourself warned], but mostly, I want to remember how in love Cory and I still are. I want to remember that through this test that has yet to have an end in sight, our marriage is thriving. We’ve adapted to our current circumstances that began a year and a half ago and we haven’t looked back [that’s a lie. I look back often – I’m a work in progress over here, ok?]. I freely admit that Cory has to endure a lot of tears from me about it all, but he’s done it in stride – at least outwardly. We’re still living over 1,200 miles apart after a year and a half and I still get butterflies when I see that he’s texted me or that he’s calling me. I still love hearing his voice over the phone. I can’t vouch for him 100%, but from what he tells me, he enjoys these things, too. Still.
He still makes me smile, and I still cry regularly because I miss him more than any words could adequately portray. We still say “I love you” every day, even if it’s only by text message. We still talk about our future and how freakin’ nice it will be to FINALLY be a family of three under one roof for daily life without a ‘goodbye’ looming over us in a few days. To be reunited. For good. To be past this chapter of our story and to create a home together.
Year four has been hard, but we keep looking forward. Even amid the current coronavirus pandemic and all the other chaos that’s going on, we grab on to any and every silver lining that we can possibly find and ride it out. He keeps me focused and balanced, and I keep on loving him. Year four has been another year under our belt that I’ll never forget. Because I’ll never forget that through every single day of year four, we’ve lived apart but are closer than ever. That may not seem like a major achievement to some, but to us, it’s cherished. We work through the hard and talk more than my husband would prefer, but after four years of marriage together and our current circumstances, we’re still in love.
Happy anniversary, Cory! Here’s to many, many more to come. I love you. You’re a keeper.