i just can’t.

Sometimes, life hurts. Maybe not in excruciating ways or through tragic events, but it’s still difficult to maneuver and it hurts.

You know, those days when you utter “I just can’t” maybe a time too many or more noticeably? Yeah, I’ve been in that place for the past two weeks or so. And I just can’t shake it. I want to so badly, but it’s there, hovering over me day in and day out.

Maybe a good night’s rest would do me some good and I can begin the next day refreshed and ready for anything.

But no. That good night’s rest only turns into begging for just one more hour of sleep and not having to drive to work. Justifying this and that and not being fully put together more often than not. It becomes chaotic and that justification is thrown at every little thing – no matter what it is. Deadlines come and go. To-do lists grow exponentially. I let the little things get to me and allow them to take me down.

I just can’t.

And then, I’m failing myself and it’s a whirlwind. It’s a downward spiral that keeps sucking me in. And the procrastination is at an all-time high. “I’ll do it tomorrow” turns into days and weeks and then even months in some cases.

The culprits?

Well, there are several. Exhaustion and illness to name a few. Throw in some anxiety and I’m really dealing with a toxic cocktail that is all consuming. It’s safe to say that I’m in a weird place that I truly hope to come out of sooner rather than later. I’m not a fan of just going through the motions and struggling to make it through the day, every single day. It’s a cycle I’m more than ready to be over and never come back. Please and thank you.

But for now…

I just can’t.