Inside/Out: FEAR

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Danielle over at Lucky Number Seven and Kate from Clear the Way teamed up for a collaborative series entitled Inside/Out, where they share how they used a specific trait inside themselves, and outwardly with others. This month, they’re discussing fear.

—INSIDE—
Fear is gripping and all-encompassing. If you let it be. Fear is also something that’s played a huge role in my life as of late, and what a perfect opportunity to talk about it than joining in with other ladies to be real about fear. Getting divorced, I was full of fear. It filled my every thought, my every word, my every action. I was afraid of how people would see me, that they would look down on me for having a failed marriage. I was afraid of how I would see myself. I was afraid of how I’d even attempt to move forward…what does that even look like?! I was fearful of starting over.

Now, in the after (can I even call it the after yet? It’s not official yet [legally], but it is in my mind. Heck, I don’t know), I fear for my future. I know that I want to settle down and get married again one day. Whoa, that’s a little hard to swallow right now! But regardless, I fear of how my past will be viewed by future suitors. Will I find someone that will still want to be with me knowing I’ve been married before? Can someone love me even after I’ve been so broken? Will I still have a family of my own that I’ve dreamed of for so long? How am I even supposed to date?! Will I bring the hurt and pain into future relationships? Will I be my own worst enemy and set myself up for failure? Will I even be able to trust again?

Even with these fears floating around in my head, I know that I will have my happily ever after one day. I know that I’m happy and stronger than I ever thought I could be, and most importantly, I’M OKAY. I know that happiness is what’s in store for me and that I’ll fulfill God’s will of what is to become of my life. It doesn’t get rid of my fears completely, but it helps a little every day.