Reality Check.

I am not all that and a bag of chips. 

Say what?! 

It’s true. *sigh* I have flaws. I am weak. I break down. I struggle.

Of course, I have many strengths as well, and I am pretty awesome, if I do say so myself! But I’m not perfect – no where near perfect. Especially now, in this chaotic and confusing time in my life. And I don’t claim to be. Ever. I’m grateful to have more good days than bad days, but the bad days are really bad. And I’m all like…

My family and friends keep me grounded. They support me when I fall and when I’m having a rough day or ten. What is truly hard at this time is meeting new people, trying to hold on to a fairly new friendship, or even rekindling a friendship that was lost years ago {heck, even some people I’ve considered friends for years …}. These people just think I’m straight up CRAY!
They’re all like…

And I’m like…

If only they had a clue! And sometimes, I’m truly shocked by some people’s responses and reactions to things. Some of these people really know what is going on my life, and they STILL judge me and take offense to my actions. Yes, I know I have a problem. But then I’m like…

The struggle is real. People can say that they “understand” and offer their condolences and promise to be there “if you ever need anything, even a shoulder to cry on”, but that doesn’t mean it’s true. 

Reality Check: 

It’s part of life. 

Luckily, I have countless people that I know I can turn to in my dark moments that WILL support me and stand by me when I’m lashing out or falling apart. Those people, I can count on. 

Yes, I’m emotional. I’m happy one minute, angry the next, and sad five minutes later. Sometimes, I feel every emotion in a matter of seconds. I think too much, feel too much, and say too much. It’s a problem. It’s actually a problem I have when my world isn’t turned completely upside down and is magnified now that it’s a mess. I’m all over the place and am held accountable, which is fine. But don’t promise me that you won’t judge me or take offense to something I texted you or said in passing and then shut me out of your life forever when I go all crazy white girl on you. I’M SORRY. And tomorrow most likely will be better. If not, try me again next week.

My life is one big heaping bowl of crazy and emotions right now, so if you’re up for the challenge: welcome! If not, I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you in these weakest moments of my entire life. #sorrynotsorry

And to those people, I have one thing to say…

I admit, there are some moments when I’m out of line and need to be reminded to calm down and breathe – that this moment will pass. I’m a work in progress, people! But I pray that people will be a little more understanding and a little less judgmental of others’ circumstances. Everyone’s story is different. Each and every person is unique and reacts to situations in different ways. If I’m an emotional mess for a week because of what I’m dealing with but am fine the other three weeks of the month, I’m sorry but you’ll just need to accept it as my weakness right now and move on. Period.

Reality Check:

People suffer. And just because they may not show it on the outside doesn’t mean they’re not dying inside.