The “Not so good…”

This week has been hard. I’ve been weaker more times than I’ve been strong, and my emotions are all over the place. If I’m being honest, I’ve just wanted to give up. Give up trying and holding on to hope that things will get better. I’ve cried out in frustration more times than I can count this week. My response to others’ inquiry about how I’m doing has been, “Not so good…”

It’s not just one thing that’s bothering me or that I’m upset about. It’s a whirlwind of things life has thrown at me lately that I apparently can’t balance anymore. At least not this week. It’s divorce things, money, work, focus, future things, past things, crazy feelings and emotions … the list goes on. I know I’m allowed to be weak at times and to not pretend that I have everything under control. Because honestly? I don’t. I’m just trying to take it one day at a time and pray that the long list of to-do’s gets done and I don’t disappoint anyone along the way.

But it’s just not me. I know I don’t feel like myself this week because normally, I can handle it. I’m typically a pretty positive person that others can lean on and count on. I can be stronger more times than not and not break down five million times a day. But as I’ve said before, sometimes crying is a sign that one has been strong for too long. Sometimes, I break. And that’s okay.

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But with all of that going on this week, I’m turning on the light next week! I know these feelings of emptiness and being lost will pass, and I will be joyful again, hopefully next week. And that’s not even saying I haven’t been happy at all this week, because I have. There have been moments of sheer joy and happiness, when I didn’t let the negativity in. Instead, I enjoyed the moment and allowed myself to put off worrying about everything else. It’s just been a rough week. And I’m venting. Which I’m totally allowed to do on my own blog :). 

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