True Tori

I have to give mad props to Tori Spelling. She went through hell and back, and she’s a much stronger woman having gone through it all.

That is what I hope to accomplish. Through everything that’s going on in my life, as much as my life is a train wreck and work in progress these days, I want to be stronger. I want to be better. I want to find my voice.

That’s exactly what Tori Spelling did. Her husband, Dean McDermott, had a two-day affair while filming a TV show in Canada. The affair went public very quickly, and their family had to do something about it. They had to face what was happening. And through it all, Tori took control of the situation and made the bold and questionable decision to film the process.

Their story isn’t mine to tell … they did an absolutely brilliant job showing the truth behind what happened and how they got through it. Ahem, are getting through it. It’s far from over, and my heart hurts for them.

I too was cheated on. I know the betrayal and the heartbreak of a husband breaking his sacred vows. I wish I didn’t, but I do. It’s my truth, and it’s something I struggle with on the daily.

When I heard that Tori chose to film this raw part of their lives, I was proud of her. I know a lot of people completely disagree with the way she handled it and her decision to do so publicly, but she’s been a public figure her entire life. The situation was made public, so she had to do something about it. She chose to let people in on the darkest moments of her marriage, on the brokenness, on the pain.  Viewers get an inside look on their counseling sessions, Dean’s addiction and suicidal thoughts, Tori’s struggle to keep up with their four kids alone, and much more.

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At first, I wasn’t sure I could even watch it. It’s something that was so raw and fresh in my life and I was just trying to keep my head above water. Should I really watch something that hit so close to home so soon? Ultimately, I decided to watch, and I’m so glad I did! I’ve followed Tori and Dean’s story through their reality shows throughout the years and here I had a chance to feel somewhat connected to Tori. Our husbands both cheated.

However, our situations were obviously a little different. Our story wasn’t public; theirs was. We didn’t have children (praise God!); they do. My husband began a relationship with another woman; Dean had a two-day affair with a stranger. We are getting divorced; they’re sticking it out.

Even with the differences, the feelings I’ve felt throughout this entire ordeal were very much portrayed through Tori’s story. The hurt. The betrayal. The lost trust. The unanswered questions. The fear. All of it. I think it was also a way for me to relate to someone, even someone famous. Since my husband first asked for a divorce, I didn’t really have someone to relate to about it (which is a blessing and a curse…more on that to come). I was able to see someone else struggling through dealing with their husband cheating on them, and very painfully so. It was exactly how I was feeling. Although on most days, I didn’t have to worry about kids, so I laid in bed and sulked in my misery.

Keeping up with their story and the taping of this show, I’ve definitely seen the “it’s all a lie” comments and that they are “only doing it for the money”. “It’s fake!”. The list goes on. Honestly, watching their story unfold week after week, not once did the thought of this being fake creep into my mind. You can see the raw emotions. You can feel the pain. Or maybe that’s just me? Maybe I so desperately wanted to connect with someone that was feeling as betrayed and hurt as I was that I automatically just assumed it was real so I wouldn’t be alone in the world. But I don’t think that’s the case. Who on earth would make up a story like this and then tape it if it weren’t true?! Who would allow their children to be put in a situation like that if it wasn’t true? I’m sticking to my guns and refuse to believe that this story is anything but true. It breaks my heart.

I’m thankful that Tori chose to find her voice publicly. I can’t even imagine going through something so raw and hurtful in the eyes of millions of people, but she did so graciously. And I know she will probably never know this, but by doing so, she helped me in ways I didn’t know I could be helped. I didn’t feel as alone as I could have through all of this. I felt somewhat relatable in the weakest moments in my life. And for that, I’m grateful. Her pain has definitely been part of my healing process, and I’ll forever be thankful to her for that! She’s a real person with real pain, and I’m happy she was able to find her voice. I pray her and Dean can truly work together on their marriage and end up happy with their four children. Those precious, adorable children.